the struggle...

It has never been easy. I feel that my love for her grows each day that passes by. But so is the pain. If she loved me before, then I won't believe that she doesn't love me anymore...

I understand the pain that she's been through. And I know that she just avoids being hurt again. It kills me to look in her eyes and see the coldness in there. The cold touch of her hand freezes my soul, causing my spirit to cease existing...

I struggle every minute. I close my eyes and hope for a temporary escape, wishing we'd be happy in my dreams. But even there it's haunting me. I feel the struggle, I feel the pain. When will it end?

I wait for each opportunity to see her, to feel her. And at those times I seek for the small chance that I have. I glimpse at every window. I knock at every door. She said she wonders if love is enough. I've asked the same thing before. And I seriously thought about it.

At first I thought it isn't enough. But on a second thought, why wouldn't love be enough? If it isn't adequate, then why does God tell us to love one another? Why would He ask us to do something that isn't enough?

If there is still love, then I suppose there'll always be hope.

This pain may eventually kill myself. I don't care. As long as this love lives in me, I'll forever wait for you, my Ditse.

I'm still waiting.